Earlier this week, found myself singing during the worship set of a weekly service at my local church. This moment was similar to hundreds of moments before: the presence of the Lord filled the room as an amazing team of worship leaders guided everyone deeper into the love and grace of the Father.  With a prayer ministry lanyard around my neck, my eyes prayerfully scanned the rows of chairs, waiting for Holy Spirit to speak to my heart about someone that might need ministry or encouragement. My pastor then prompted everyone to ask the Lord where are hearts are in relation to Him. I took that question before the Lord and my heart was stunned by the answer. He asked me if I remembered the chief purpose of my life, if I remembered my purpose?

Did I remember? The Lord then brought back to mind an image He had given me years and years ago of sitting before Him and Him alone with a heart full of worship, prayer, and praise.  His fiery gaze was fixed with a gentle and kind lovingness on my heart and my eyes saw only Him. This picture was like a sweet, but distant memory.

In truth, Dear Saints, I had forgotten. Somewhere in the midst of organizing events, coordinating ministry, and initiating discipleship, I had lost sight of the primary calling the Lord has given me. That calling is simply to remain before Him (John 15:10). To remain in prayer, in worship, in adoration, in communion, in fellowship, in discovery, in adventure; this is the zenith of my heart’s work: to know and be known by the Lord.  And I had forgotten it.

Suddenly aware of how fickle my heart really is, I confessed my absentmindedness before the Lord. I repented of the areas and moments where I had chosen productivity over prizing the secret place. Seeking the forgiveness that is readily and abundantly supplied through the cross, I asked the Lord to replace the areas in my heart that resemble Martha and replace them with the devotion of Mary (Luke 10:38-42).

In saying this, I do want to be clear how much I value and love my church. Being a part of my local church has been one of the greatest blessings I have known.  Pastors and mentors provide a strong covering of grace and wisdom (Heb 13:17). My friends have become a network of strength, encouragement and edification; they constantly call out the gold in me (1 Thess 5:11). Serving with the prayer ministry and women’s discipleship has literally been a dream come true.  Passionate intercession and cultivating a space where women can thrive is a precious and highly important to me (Philp 4:9). For all of these reasons and many, many more, I am grateful for the church that I am blessed to call my second home.

As amazing as my church is, though, I had allowed it to become more important than the secret place to my heart.  In more ways than one, I had abandoned my First Love (Rev 2:1-7). Writing these words grips my heart with sadness knowing that it has grieved the Lord (Eph 4:30).  And yet, the Lord is sponging away that melancholy feeling with the hope of love restored.

Loving the Lord with all of our heart, mind, and strength will forever be our primary concern (Matt 22:37).  He is our First and Great Love. Spending time with Him and communing with His heart will never cease to be the most important calling on each of our hearts (John 1:48-51). Regardless of season, occupation, or location, our devotion to the Lord is chiefly important.  It is for this reason that I encourage you to ask the Lord if you have allowed anything to take the place that He rightly deserves. Remain conscious of where the focus of your heart lies and fight fiercely to maintain the utmost value for the secret place. By this, our hearts will thrive through relationship with our King and Friend.